Before I knew about it as a medical disease, I thought of depression as a mental illness caused by one's weakness to face negative events. A total surrender to life's problems. This used to be my opinion, because my life was rich with experiences of miseries and hopelessness and yet I persevered. I triumphed over life's obstacles because of positive thinking and the hunger to leave my past behind and perhaps a little prayer helped.
However, "depression" is not just sadness or being in despair. Depression is a medical condition that lingers and if untreated or misdiagnosed, affects not only oneself but others around you, especially your loved ones.
As far as I can remember, I have been struggling to find happiness all my life. Memories of childhood, school, and events were all sad brought about by my environment, poverty, lack of guidance, and a screwed up father. Yet, my experiences helped me in turning my life around and provide for a better, comfortable life for my family.
Then a recent series of life events faced me like a ton of brick wall: a major surgery (with it's side effects and cost), impending job loss, a very ill parent I cannot help, my wife's dying parent, a child entering college, and people needing our financial help. The thought of all these and losing everything I worked hard for in just one moment caused me to feel desperate, suicidal, antagonistic and guilty at the same time. For months, I made life a living hell for me and my family, until my wife pleaded me to seek professional help.
I was mad and would not accept defeat from "depression". It just can't be, I have a strong will and has been proven by how I was able to turn my life around in the face of adversity. However at the back of my mind, I knew I needed help, if only to save my family from myself. I gave in to my wife's please and then the counselor sent me to my Physician for proper medication. As my doctor explains, depression hurts the ones you love the most and then you feel the guilt afterwards. And it hit me. I broke down crying incessantly for the pain I caused my family.
It's been over two months since and I thank God for my having a good wife and daughter who tried to understand me in my time of despair. I know I'd probably be dead now if I did not seek help. The only thing that prevented me from killing myself is the burden that it will bring to my family even long after I am gone.
"Suicide is definitely not a cure, it is a permanent solution to a temporary problem."
Please feel free to share your thoughts and thanks for visiting.
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